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Author Topic: News from the North  (Read 64098 times)

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François

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Re: News from the North
« Reply #820 on: November 05, 2013, 05:35:41 AM »

"Hey, I've beaten my wife once or twice. I have to take her word for it because I was drunk at the time. But that doesn't mean you can call me a wife beater!"
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Büge

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Mongrel

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Re: News from the North
« Reply #822 on: November 05, 2013, 05:52:45 AM »

Oh yeah, they're in attack dog mode now.

Attacking Blair is pretty dangerous though. There's a fair number of people who hate him (because omg fuckin' cops omfg G20), but he's mostly well-liked and respected. He also had nothing to gain from Ford losing office, since Ford was very pro-police and the chief had easily manipulated him several times previously.
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Royal☭

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Re: News from the North
« Reply #823 on: November 06, 2013, 07:39:59 AM »

In the midst of all this, let's take a moment to appreciate one of Rob Ford's greatest hits.

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford Slips, Falls Down playing Football (SLOW MOTION and Magnification)

Mongrel

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Re: News from the North
« Reply #824 on: November 06, 2013, 10:39:05 AM »

Of all the hilarious meme pics, so far this is my favourite:

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Mongrel

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Re: News from the North
« Reply #825 on: November 06, 2013, 12:26:27 PM »

So apparently Ford is now straight-up just telling members of the media to kiss his ass.



Hee hee, yes, this ought to be good.
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Friday

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Re: News from the North
« Reply #826 on: November 06, 2013, 12:45:40 PM »

Was Ford always like this? When he was running for election was he using mind control or something to make people vote for him? How the fuck did someone like him get elected?

Not that America doesn't have a list as long as Roger's dick of politicians/elected officials (past and present) who belong in a circus, of course.
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Mongrel

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Re: News from the North
« Reply #827 on: November 06, 2013, 01:57:55 PM »

Oh yeah. Before he was elected he said tons of dumb shit.

- When cyclists get over it's their fault. For being on bicycles.
- He got into a drunken fistfight with an out-of-town couple at a Leafs game. Then denied it. Then they had video or a police report or whatever it was and he was all "Yeah okay whatever it was me."
- Busted for a pot + booze DUI in Florida
- Promised to score OxyContin for some dude who kept annoying him
- Kept getting into slander suits for opening his big mouth to various city businessmen
- A bunch of other hilarious dumb shit he said in City Council sessions (seriously, there's a ton of videos on YouTube of him saying just the most ridiculous shit or making he he was going to fight someone right there, all before he was mayor).

He was voted because the 2010 election was an utter disaster, something of a perfect political storm. This will take a little explaining:

Background: The city had just had 2 terms of David Miller a vague, well-meaning leftist who spent quite literally almost all of his two terms begging other levels of government for money to no avail. He only ever got the kissoff (no surprise), while the city continued to crumble under our massive infrastructure deficit. So people were not in the mood for another leftist (even though Miller was more like a Uselessist, but whatever).

Toronto also has a fairly sharp right/left division between downtown and the inner suburbs (the outer suburbs are other towns). So the suburbs especially wanted a low-tax right-wing dude.

The candidates who ran were awful. There were the usual raft of "No name dude and/or minor city councillor with no chance of winning", plus the following list:

- Ford
- John Tory a well-respected and generally liked moderate softly right-wing dude, but with a bad habit of getting stuck on an occasional bad idea and waffling too much (he had a disastrous tenure as the leader of the provincial conservatives)
- Sara Thompson, a semi-effective city councillor and the one with the best shot of all the no name candidates
- Rocco Rossi, a backroom operator and fundraiser for the federal Liberals, with no experience actually running for office
- George Smitherman, former a provincial Liberal minister who had held many portfolios and was deputy premier at the time of his resignation

Tory had been burned before and was hesitant about running. Then Ford's office boys pretending to be members of the public (you'll note that this is a frequent thing with Ford) left mean voicemails on Tory's answering machine, the meanies! So Tory slinked away. I mean I like the guy, but he just has no fucking spine at all, holy Christ.

Thompson never got anywhere, despite having probably the best platform and being the only candidate who did any research or bothered with facts in any way.

Rossi turned into a bizarre self-parody who tried to make jokes that he was a cartoon mafioso because he had an Italian name. The guy had quite literally no idea how to campaign. It was weird.

That left no respected candidates. Smitherman had cred, but he was a filthy fuck who (as it turned out) was responsible for every corrupt and fucked up dog-shit-mess the provincial government created for themselves (our air provincial ambulance system was turned into a ponzi scheme, we spent untold billions on a company who was supposed to create a unified electronic health records database. Only they... didn't. Plus many other things that came out later). More importantly Smitherman was and is just a complete sociopathic prick. His campaign was pretty much just "Vote for me because I deserve it". In spite of this, he became the main opposition to Ford.

Meanwhile Ford sold a very very simple mantra: Promise whatever it takes to get elected. ANYTHING.

See, most politicians lie, but they lie in that halfway lie that they can wiggle out of later. And people can see that! That's part of why politicians are so hated. But Ford promised people that a billion dollars would just fly out of his ass like so many magic farts. Only he believed it.

When people saw that he really believed it, they wanted to believe too. And so here we are.

EDIT: To be fair, Ford actually had a good rep with his constituents as a city councillor. He made a point of spending way less than his budget than anyone else on council. He always took calls and always followed up on those calls. He was a good "retail" politician - being the guy on the outside, fighting for the denizens of his little hood (this rep also came up in the election). The real problem was putting Ford in charge of anything. I mean he's dumb as a bag of hammers, but people who knew him liked him. As opposed to Smitherman, who dripped a trail of black, oily, asshole sauce everywhere he went. Even I was like "Maybe, just maybe, there's a chance that Ford'll be that rare case of the dumb idiot leader who actually happens to work out well" (uh, that doesn't mean I voted for him. God no.).
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Mongrel

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Re: News from the North
« Reply #828 on: November 06, 2013, 02:30:37 PM »

Okay the Toronto papers are now all running features in some form or other on "What it's like to be addicted to crack".

Also the Iron Sheik just challenged Ford to a fight.

Abbadobabbidaboopittabippabappitaewjiotwe8596yu4896uy68r9ur68@^%*^@&*

EDIT: Oh and there's a bunch of polls making fun of the fact that Ford was wearing an NFL novelty tie from at least 18 years ago during his apology press conference.

I really don't know what's going on any more.

EDIT2: The next election isn't until October. Hoooo boy. 2014 is gonna be some kinda year.
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Mongrel

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Re: News from the North
« Reply #829 on: November 07, 2013, 05:20:41 AM »

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TA

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Re: News from the North
« Reply #830 on: November 07, 2013, 05:26:16 AM »

He's basically a Chris Farley character.
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Do you understand how terrifying the words “vibrating strap on” are for an asexual? That’s like saying “the holocaust” to a Jew.

Mongrel

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Re: News from the North
« Reply #831 on: November 07, 2013, 06:47:35 AM »

Trust me, you would not be the first person to ever hear Ford and then blurt out "Tommy Boy!"
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TA

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Re: News from the North
« Reply #832 on: November 07, 2013, 07:03:43 AM »

- Every couple of days the Mayor and Lisi would meet at a gas station down the block from Ford's house. Ford would go into the gas station bathroom and Lisi would leave little baggies in Ford's Escalade, along with two cans of orange juice (must have been his lunch! What a nice guy!).

Sidenote: I have been informed that orange juice in particular relates to crack consumption, either as a method to smooth things out when you're coming down, or as a method to accentuate the high - sources differ on the specifics, but it is not a coincidence that this was included in the package.
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Do you understand how terrifying the words “vibrating strap on” are for an asexual? That’s like saying “the holocaust” to a Jew.

Mongrel

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Re: News from the North
« Reply #833 on: November 07, 2013, 07:27:12 AM »

I don't actually think he regularly uses crack. Regular cocaine, maybe.
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Mongrel

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Re: News from the North
« Reply #834 on: November 07, 2013, 09:36:30 AM »

So this afternoon's episode (they are no longer just daily!) featured a local sub shop bringing in Brutus Beefcake to city hall to advertise subs in light of the ongoing crack gong show. I'm not even sure what the ad itself entailed.

Ther best quote was "I'm not sure that "wrestlers cannot use a mayoral crack scandal to advertise sandwiches" is city policy, but anyway."
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Brentai

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Re: News from the North
« Reply #835 on: November 07, 2013, 10:46:21 AM »

Generally you have to pay for the rights to advertise during a sitcom.
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Friday

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Re: News from the North
« Reply #836 on: November 07, 2013, 12:30:56 PM »

Quote
2014 is gonna be some kinda year.

Can't you guys have some sort of emergency election instead of putting up with a crack user for another 10 months

I mean

When an elected official is caught doing crack, (ignoring every other lulzy thing about Ford) I think it might be time to elect someone else? Right away?
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Friday

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Re: News from the North
« Reply #837 on: November 07, 2013, 12:43:17 PM »

I'm starting to realize how you guys must have felt during the Bush Jr years.
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Mongrel

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Re: News from the North
« Reply #838 on: November 07, 2013, 12:44:58 PM »

Toronto has no mechanism to remove a mayor from office unless he is actually charged (or maybe even convicted?) with a crime. No impeachment, no recall, etc. for anything short of criminal charges.

He is not going to to be charged for smoking crack even though he's admitted it, because video or even admission of of drug use does not constitute posession (which is the actual offence).

Some members of City Council are currently putting together some sort of effort to ask the provincial government for some kind of emergency banhammer, but the provincial government's position so far has been "This is your mess. The mayor was democratically elected. We will not get involved unless it's in a way proscribed by the existing rules." so I don't think that's going to change unless Ford starts running around town naked, drunk, and screaming WOOOOOOOO SPRING BREAK! (this is not outside the realm of possibility).

Other criminal charges are a possibility though. There was a lot of that police report that was blacked out.
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Büge

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Re: News from the North
« Reply #839 on: November 07, 2013, 01:27:03 PM »

The council could also force an election by not showing up for 60 days, which would mean they can't hold a quorum. It would also mean that municipal affairs would be suspended for that time. It would also mean that it would force an election for everybody in the council.

I believe it's referred to as the "scorched earth" option.
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