Topic: May Be Unsuitable for Children (Read 1937 times)

Ziiro · « **on:** December 16, 2011, 02:19:17 PM »

Less "WTF" than anything else in here but I want you to stop and think about this:

I saw this in the toy section when I was shopping for my Nieces and Nephews today.

It's a kids toy.
It's from an M-Rated game.
That is based on a historical character known for being a complete psychopath and fucking his sister.

Then again I guess giving the same context to most action figures would probably result in the same thing.
[spoiler]GI Joe, now with PTSD.[/spoiler]

Bal · « **Reply #1 on:** December 16, 2011, 02:23:53 PM »

Cobra Commando, now with realistic suicide bombing action and kung-fu grip.

Ziiro · « **Reply #2 on:** December 16, 2011, 02:25:19 PM »

To be fair, in that case all they'd have to do is re-purpose those crash test dummy action figures.

Thad · « **Reply #3 on:** December 16, 2011, 02:25:39 PM »

There were Batman Returns Happy Meal toys. They had the Michelle Pfeiffer Catwoman in a purple car shaped like a cat whose eyes and tail moved when you rolled it.

Hell, "Inappropriate Children's Toys" could be its own thread.

(Actually, when I said "you never saw GI Joe deal with PTSD", somebody told me that I was wrong and they did it all the time with Shipwreck. I will take his word for it; I haven't watched nearly as much of GI Joe as most of its contemporaries.)

François · « **Reply #4 on:** December 16, 2011, 02:30:44 PM »

But it says FOR AGES 8+ right on the box, it can't possibly be that harmful!

...

can't stop giggling at "AUTHENTICALLY DETAILED" + "CHOKING HAZARD"

haha i am in third grade heeheehee

Ziiro · « **Reply #5 on:** December 16, 2011, 02:31:14 PM »

Quote from: Thad on December 16, 2011, 02:25:39 PM

Hell, "Inappropriate Children's Toys" could be its own thread.

I'd be down for that. I was looking for a while on a thread that could be more appropriate but his seemed to (vaguely) fit.

I think that toys have to try to keep up with the 'good stuff'. I mean, if your bigger brothers are playing awesome looking video games with awesome characters, who the hell would want to play with "baby toys"? Although it does make me wonder how far we are from CoD:MW Action figures.

I actually googled it after I had the thought: There are no Kid's "action figures", but there are McFarlane ones that are rare and expensive it seems.

I'd like to add, as much as it fits into the vein of this: Halo Reach Toys. They've made an entire series, and I'm glad they took the direction I thought they would. They sell parts packs and characters with the multiplayer armor (in addition to all the campaign characters), meaning if you buy the right figures you can make your own spartan action figure. It's a pretty neat idea, if executed in a roundabout way.

Büge · « **Reply #6 on:** December 16, 2011, 02:48:17 PM »

Quote from: Thad on December 16, 2011, 02:25:39 PM

There were Batman Returns Happy Meal toys. They had the Michelle Pfeiffer Catwoman in a purple car shaped like a cat whose eyes and tail moved when you rolled it.

Nah, it just wagged its tail when it rolled. My sister had one. Also, in trying to find an image of it, I stumbled on this:

Quote from: http://www.sydlexia.com/happymealprizes1.htm

In 1992, McDonald's teamed with Warner Brothers and gave us a Batman Happy Meal to promote Batman Returns. From left to right, there's the Batmobile™, the Penguin™ Umbrella Roto-Roadster, the Batman™ press and go car, and the Catwoman™ Cat Coupe. While the toys themselves were pretty decent, their very existence would eventually produce disastrous results. Apparently, the only exposure to Batman that anyone at McDonald's headquarters had came from the ridiculous live action series from the 1960s starring Adam West. If the executives had ever read a comic book or seen Burton's original Batman film, they would known that Batman is a decidedly PG-13 character. But they didn't. And when uppity parents saw that their kindergartners were getting toys designed to promote a PG-13 movie with featuring electrocution, a sexy leatherclad bombshell, nose-biting, Christopher Walken, and a disembodied arm, they did what uppity parents are wont to do: piss and moan until they irreversibly damage the world. The result was a classic case of bitchside economics. Parents bitched at McDonald's for giving their kids toys based on a movie with dark overtones and gothic landscapes, causing McDonald's to bitch at Warner Brothers about the content of the film. Not wanting to lose an advertising partner, Warner Brothers passed this bitchiness on to Tim Burton. When it came time to do Batman 3, the studio wanted something much more cartoonish than what Burton had in mind. After much frustration, Burton would eventually step down as the director of Batman 3 thus allowing Joel Schumacher to take the helm and make his shitty Batman movies instead. Because of this, the 1992 Batman Happy Meal must take its rightful place alongside the My Lai Massacre as one of history's greatest evils.

Büge · « **Reply #7 on:** December 16, 2011, 02:51:11 PM »

Quote from: Ziiro on December 16, 2011, 02:31:14 PM

Quote from: Thad on December 16, 2011, 02:25:39 PM
Hell, "Inappropriate Children's Toys" could be its own thread.

I'd be down for that. I was looking for a while on a thread that could be more appropriate but his seemed to (vaguely) fit.

There's always this.

Thad · « **Reply #8 on:** December 16, 2011, 06:17:50 PM »

Yeah, but if I make it its own thread I can refer to other inappropriate things for children.

For example, there were children's cartoons based on the following properties:

Rambo
Ace Ventura
The Mask
Mortal Kombat

...and of course the animated adaptation of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was so massively successful as to eclipse the not-appropriate-for-children original.

Likewise, in Nintendo's "family-friendly only" phase they had games based on Rambo, Total Recall, Terminator...

Büge · « **Reply #9 on:** December 16, 2011, 06:48:50 PM »

Don't forget Predator!

Brentai · « **Reply #10 on:** December 16, 2011, 06:51:29 PM »

The Rambo one always gets me in particular because I didn't see any of them until just a couple years ago, so I didn't really know that the first one was really a drama film about the horrific aftereffects of the Vietnam War. I was pretty damn confused about the whole thing but then Rambo-First-Blood-Part-2 made it all much clearer. And then Rambo III showed me where Hideo Kojima got most of his ideas, and also where ze missiles were located.

Platoon still gets the award for "WHY THE FUCK DID YOU MAKE A VIDEO GAME ABOUT THAT?" though.

Thad · « **Reply #11 on:** December 19, 2011, 09:39:50 AM »

More:

Swamp Thing
Toxic Avenger
Hunchback of Notre Dame

And while I wouldn't put Beetlejuice (the movie) into the "unsuitable for children" category, I think it's fair to say that the cartoon was really a different animal entirely.

Related: most of us probably remember child-sized "I'm Bart Simpson, who the hell are you?" T-shirts in grade school.

Brentai · « **Reply #12 on:** December 19, 2011, 09:50:22 AM »

I think at some point "damn" and "hell" have dropped off of the 7 Words List (and been replaced by some much juicier ones) but it's still something only Bad People say.

Toxic Avenger is great because its source material isn't even really suitable for adults. Knowing Troma of course that's exactly why they were so intent on making it into a (otherwise straight-faced in a Garbage Pail Kids way) children's cartoon.

Thad · « **Reply #13 on:** December 19, 2011, 09:53:32 AM »

Yeah. I'm certainly in the "there was never anything wrong with kids watching Simpsons and anyone who said otherwise was overreacting" boat, but sticking "Who the hell are you?" right on a child's medium T-shirt is pretty much trolling.

Mothra · « **Reply #14 on:** December 19, 2011, 09:57:56 AM »

Starship Troopers. No kid should watch that movie or read that damn book.

Brentai · « **Reply #15 on:** December 19, 2011, 10:05:16 AM »

Or watch the animated series, for that matter. It's actually more of a meat grinder than any of the other works based on that universe.

Ziiro · « **Reply #16 on:** December 19, 2011, 10:10:52 AM »

Quote

Hunchback of Notre Dame

If I recall, the Disney Cartoon doesn't even have a Happy ending.

Quote from: Brentai on December 19, 2011, 10:05:16 AM

Or watch the animated series, for that matter. It's actually more of a meat grinder than any of the other works based on that universe.

It gets really bizarre towards the end though. The asteroid bug for example. And what happens to the pilot.

It will forever infuriate me how they ended the series one episode away from the best battle we would ever see.

"This is all we've got left to defend our home from the bugs! Lets fight!"
[CANCELLED] gets stamped across the screen

Büge · « **Reply #17 on:** December 19, 2011, 10:15:47 AM »

Quote from: Brentai on December 19, 2011, 09:50:22 AM

Toxic Avenger is great because its source material isn't even really suitable for adults. Knowing Troma of course that's exactly why they were so intent on making it into a (otherwise straight-faced in a Garbage Pail Kids way) children's cartoon.

That movie gave me nightmares.

Thad · « **Reply #18 on:** December 19, 2011, 10:28:22 AM »

Quote from: Ziiro on December 19, 2011, 10:10:52 AM

Quote
Hunchback of Notre Dame

If I recall, the Disney Cartoon doesn't even have a Happy ending.

It did if you think "ugly guy decides hot chick he's pined for all his life should hook up with the handsome guy instead, is totally cool with that" is a happy ending.

Ziiro · « **Reply #19 on:** December 19, 2011, 10:41:21 AM »

While looking for more about that, I found a cracked article relevant to this discussion. ("7 most terrifying Disney movie deaths")

News:

Author Topic: May Be Unsuitable for Children (Read 1937 times)