I tear the dragon a new asshole.
Literally.
5 - You wade through all the adventurers and princesses in the dragon's waste pit and clench on to the side of one of the fleshy walls. RIP AND TEARing, instead of a horrid bloody mess it produces a fully functional anus. The dragon unable to control it; you, along with a thousand years of poop, pour out.
DODGE THE POOP!Niku - 4 - Your fall is broken by the remains of a particularly fat princess.
Misha - 4 - You watch in abject horror.
Friday - 3 - eeewwwww
Caithness - 2 - A large dropping hits you directly on the head. While considering your misfortune a rusted sword hits the same spot. -1 Attractiveness.
Esperath - 5 - You avoid all excrement and find useful minerals in some of the larger piles.
Angry Beaver - 6 - You dig a hole to hide in. Though no poop hits you you are now buried under it and sand.
McDohl - 5 - Watching the creation of an anus and fall patterns of its droppings helps you better understand the beast. +1 biology +1 nature.
Brentai - 1 - Poop falls on you and extinguishes the fire. It also kills you.
You Are DeadI use my newfound attractiveness to attract a sexy dermatologist to treat my sunburn.
6 - "Oh man, your body spanning sunburn and grievous head wound turn me on so much. So you're into that?" Your new doctor friend smiles and waves around a scalpel and that pricker thing they use to test allergies.
DODGE THE CRAZY BITCHCaithness - 3 - You'll never be able to forget that experience. Fortunately, after she gives you some aloe vera.
I learn to use my flaming ass and gain fantastic ass-flamethrower powers.
1 - Your final expulsion of waste proves incredibly flammable, causing the vast majority of your corpse's midsection to explode.
I invent all new science to build a Science Machine.
2 - Your biology mastery does nothing to help in this situation. Your dragon-poop-uter has no known use.
I SPAWN MORE OVERLORDS
3 - You have created additional pylons.
I PLAY THE GAME
3 - Immediately after standing from your chair, you approach Friday and tell her how pretty her hair would be if she used a better conditioner and didn't have poop in it before offering to buy her another drink.
I destroy tokyo
6 - You do a full sweep of the planet just for good measure, ending with the beach you started at.
DODGEZILLANiku - 6 - Knowing only you can prevent Godzilla from destroying everyone, you summon Mothra to do battle.
THAT'S A LOT OF DODGINGFriday - 1 - Something that is almost a dragon eats you.
You Are DeadCaithness - 5 - Freshly coated in a minty lather, all blows slip right off you. +5 slickness for 2 turns.
Esperath - 5 - You put a plasma shield up in time to defend from flame and moth-rays.
Angry Beaver - 2 - Mothra teaches you how good a shield sand and feces makes against a giant moth (not very). You are totally crushed and unable to move. You will be dead after the next turn.
McDohl - 2 - The pooputer explodes in your face. The decrepit waste ruins your immune system and speeds up the poison by 2 turns.
Lottel - 3 - You survive unscathed, but your best bet at hooking up was killed before your very eyes. -1 psyche.
Dead List -
Brentai
Friday