You're assuming I've ever been on a wagon. I don't even know what a wagon is. Unless it's one of those things with all the legs. You know, they hang out with those dark, broody guys... whatever those are they're an absolute hoot to ride. And then you're all "of course I have to grab them. How else am I supposed to steer?" Pedipalps or breasts or whatever those are.
You know, I was sure that whole crazy mess back there would be embarrassing when I sobered up, but nope. Apparently that shit's just normal.
Crazy twist ending: I was a shark-alien the whole time. I mean, they look indistinguishable from a certain cartoon rabbit, other than the absence of ears. Like a whatever-atog. All the same thing, really. Except one has ears. Also, I have Ebert bits stuck between my millions of fucking teeth and it's really annoying. Though at least they aren't those supermarket "Ebert bits" that don't really have any Ebert in them.
Fuck, I don't know how they even get away with selling that stuff. Like the non-melting "cheese" made out of sawdust and puppy tears that you find in the dollar store and really, this is funnier if you can see the mime I'm doing along with it, especially the Drider-groping bit.
Yes, I do know what those are actually called, miraculously-talking-mangled-corpse-of-Ebert. I didn't even have to look it up. If I had a toothpick I'd show you who the nerd is, you... damn, this is getting really complicated to mime properly. I was already using double-claw-hands to be the teeth and how do I even do the toothpick now... maybe someone could just animate this part? Please?
I could ask Miyazaki for you.... oh, fuck you, Ebert.
Christ, I think my insane-internal-monolgue key is stuck. It's like capslock for elaborate murder fantasies. Also, all the mime is really confusing the shit right out of my dog. She's wearing that old City of Heroes cape and holding a cricket bat in her mouth. "This is what you wanted, right? ... well, fuck it. I'mma just drop fudge on your laundry, then."
And now she's monopolizing the kitchen to make fudge. Goddamn collies. Too smart for their own good.
You know I'm just going to keep adding to this whenever I get bored, right?
Well, now I'm bored again. You ever notice how Robin Williams was way the fuck funnier when he was on coke? I probably need to get some coke. Speaking of, I'd like to add
La Cage aux Folles to the list. Because he wasn't fucking in that.
Oh! That's what happened. Goodbye depression, hello mania! Time to get some actual shit done. Or just re-watch Jekyll. Hyde really likes that show for some reason.
Also, I've always loved Ebert and still do. It's just a huge pain in the ass when your heroes disappoint you.
... oh, no. Wait. They're called "women." It sounds just like "wagon." Two legs is lots, right?