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[R^2]

Terra:  The warring Triad?
Locke: There are letters chiseled into the back of these things... So, uh, what's this "Warring Triad"?


In case you somehow missed that Relm is following you, she shows up here and hides out of sight while the rest of this conversation goes on.

Locke: So... they're the gods of magic?
Strago: You could say that.
Terra: This place is brimming with magic...
Strago: Those three gods are the creators of magic...meaning they also created the espers. It's said that the espers once enshrined images of the gods in a holy place. This must be it...
Terra: The espers must have been drawn here by the magic of these statues.
Locke: So what happened to the gods after they made the espers?
Strago: Supposedly, they tired of their fighting and turned themselves to stone. Legend has it they can be found beyond the Sealed Gate, resting in their eternal slumber.
Terra: I wonder if their magic is what connects the gate to the esper world?
Locke: Hmm...
Terra: If the espers were drawn here by these statues, they could be just up ahead...
Locke: It's worth a look.


Inscription on Leftmost Statue: Three gods descended from the heavens. Fearing one another's power, the gods began to war. Those mortals caught amongst their fighting became espers, and were forced to fight endlessly as slaves to the gods.
Inscription on Rightmost Statue: Realizing their power begot naught but strife, the gods at last agreed to seal away their strength. With the last of their fading magic, the gods returned the espers' free will, then turned themselves to stone. The last words they left to the espers were these: "Never must we be woken."
Inscription on Center Statue: In reverence towards the gods were these statues made, and in prayer that their power would ne'er again be stirred. Let them serve as a warning to future generations of the three gods who once descended from the heavens...

[R^2]

GAHHHH


Ultros falls from the ceiling and smashes the party apart.


Ultros: Now I'll finally be able to get some respect from Siegfried! Ohhh! They're all glowy and sparkly! So purdy...
Locke: Hey squidbrain! Don't you ever learn?
Ultros: Well, Mama always said I was a slow learner... but at least I never give up!


I think I prefer the SNES's "I always was a slow learner... but I eat fast!" before he attacks. Oh well.


It's another Ultros fight. The music doesn't even change.


BZORT


BZAP


As a last-ditch effort, Ultros will Haste and Protect himself... then apologize for using such a cheap tactic.


Probably should have used Shell, though.

[Friday]

third grade

you kidding? Third Graders at least will interact with each other by pulling hair and then meeting in secret to confess they "like you" and then maybe hold hands. Locke and Celes are acting far, far less mature. We're talking full blown emo teen here.

[R^2]

Music: Relm's Theme


Relm drops in from above! Apparently she crawled up to where Ultros was hiding a moment ago.


Strago: Relm! I thought I told you to stay home!
Relm: I wanted to practice my drawing. I am a budding virtuoso, after all! Hey there! What's your name?
Ultros: How dare you ask me my name! As if anyone wouldn't already know the great Ultros!
Locke: A pint-sized virtuoso...and an egotistical octopus. Do I even want to know what's next...?
Relm: Hey, Ulty... Why don't you pose so I can draw your picture?
Ultros: Ult... Ulty!? The nerve of this brat! Look, I'm not one of your kiddy friends, and I don't want a stinking portrait!
Relm: Forget it, then! *sniffle*... *sob*... I didn't want to draw your picture anyway! It's okay... I'll just jump off this ledge -- then everyone will be happy!


Damn melodramatic preteen girls.

Terra: How dare you tease a little girl like that! If anything happens to her, I'm not going to forgive you!
Ultros: I'm... I mean... I didn't... Well, geez, whaddaya want me to do?
Locke: Let her draw your picture. Maybe she'll even make you look good! I'm not cut out for this sort of thing...
Ultros: ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...Oh, all right. Uncle Ulty really, really wants you to draw his picture.
Relm: Hee-hee-hee... You're gonna love it!
Strago: At any rate, get over here!


Relm's special skill is, indeed, combat art.


Using it creates a copy of Ultros! She's pretty good!


Tentacle slap!


Seeing himself as he truly is gives Ultros an identity crisis...


...so he flees. This is a weird game, sometimes.

[Friday]

best scene in game Uncle Ulty for President

[R^2]

Strago: G-Gramps!?
Terra: It wouldn't hurt to bring her along, would it?
Strago: Oh, all right already! Not like you stay at home when you're told, anyway...
Relm: Yay!


Relm is a Pictomancer, which is like a Trainer... sort of. Not really. Rather than catching monsters and saving them to use later, she whips up a copy of the monster then and there. The monster then uses a physical hit or a special attack -- not necessarily the same as Gau's Rage for the monster would grant -- against a random target.

Most monsters are immune to their own special attacks and elemental attacks. OH NO THE MONSTER OF FLAME HIT ITSELF WITH A FIRE ATTACK AND ABSORBED IT is pretty well par for Sketch. Relm's sort of useless.

Except wow! Look at that Magic stat! It's the highest natural magic in the game! Except Terra has several points higher on account of being in the party for esper-boosted level ups. Relm's sort of useless.


She can equip the Memento Ring, though -- and in fact starts with one.


Uselessness in action! These Adamankarys use Blaster when sketched, for the usual instant-death or paralysis or whatever. But Adamankary is immune to Blaster! Haw!


Relm's lack of useful abilities aside, these Venobennu can use White Wind on themselves, and indeed always do so after three turns if they're not alone by then.


It's Strago's first blue magic Lore spell learned! Unlike in Final Fantasy 5, Strago needs only see the attack happen; he doesn't need to be hit by it. So he needs to be alive and conscious, and not suffering from any sort of mentally-debilitating status effect. Or blinded.

[R^2]

Later on, the party finds... a fairy!






The creature turns and snarls at Relm, who recoils.






There are more covered up by Terra's textbox, she's not reacting in awe to only five espers.


Locke tells Strago and Relm to run for it, and they do so without hesitation.


Except whoops


Espers there too.


Locke enters a fighting stance, while Strago and Terra chant. Boy, sure would be useful to have Celes around in case of imminent magical attack, HUH LOCKE

[R^2]

Strago: I sense... incredible magic power in Terra. No... it's more than just magic...
Locke: I wonder if she's gonna go ballistic again!
Yura:   You're... different from the others. You possess the same power we do... I can feel it.
Terra: Yes.
Strago: You're all young espers from the world beyond the gate, aren't you?
Yura: Entering this world is forbidden, but we wanted to do something for our friends who'd been turned to magicite. We gathered at the gate. And just then, Terra appeared...
Terra: I could feel the strength of your emotions from the other side of the gate.
Yura: When Terra opened the gate for us, we were finally able to escape.  But the moment we stepped into your world, we completely lost control of our powers. We destroyed an entire city, and attacked people who had done no wrong...
Terra: The same thing happened to me... When that power suddenly stirred inside me, I had no control over it...
Strago: There must be something in your world that dampens your powers. Freed from their reins, your powers ran wild...
Yura: It seems even we espers can lose our senses and do unforgivable things. ...I'm truly sorry.
Locke: The Empire wants to make peace with you. Why don't you come with us?
Yura: ...They would forgive us?
Locke:  Let's head back to Thamasa and meet with General Leo.
Terra: Right!


Leo: Locke! It seems you found the espers. I owe you a debt of gratitude. I am Leo, a general of the Empire. Might I have your name?
Yura: I am Yura. What we have done to your people is inexcusable. We are in no position to ask for your forgiveness, but...
Leo: Speak no further. We did not seek you to chastise you for past mistakes. It is we who ought to be ashamed. We thought of you only as a means by which to wage war. How close we came to bringing about a second War of the Magi!
Yura: We must put this all behind us.
Locke: I think our work is finally done. It looks like true peace is finally upon us.


Locke: Celes...
Celes: Please, don't say anything...
Relm: Those two are hot and heavy, huh, Grandpa?
Strago: They're young, dear...


Aw, lookat'em blush! Well, we brought peace to the world! The Empire has disarmed, the espers are sorry for what they did, and we didn't even have to fight any sort of giant warrior-sorcerer in plate mail with a terrifying second form to make it happen! Cue the "everybody laughs" ending!


Relm and Strago laugh!


Leo, Terra, and the soldiers laugh!

From offscreen, Kefka laughs!









...wait, hold on...

[R^2]

Music: Kefka's theme


Kefka bounds onscreen and the Magitek armor follows him. They weren't just standing there the whole time.

Although that would be hilarious.




Kefka sets his Magitek soldiers about roasting the party into submission. Only Leo thought to duck.


Kefka: Hee-hee-hee... Emperor's orders! I'm to turn all these espers into magicite! Behold! A magicite mother lode!


Kefka zaps Yura!










The man sure knows how to ruin a peace conference.

[R^2]

Leo forgot to duck this time. Hmm. Well, time for the opposite sort of ending from the one almost within our grasp! This is just a regular game over.

[R^2]

Nah, actually you're given control of Leo.


There's nothing urgent going on, so Leo swings by the inn and takes a little nap. It's only one gil!


The object of much schoolyard legend back in the burgeoning days of the World Wide Web, Leo is under the player's control now. But there was no character description or naming screen when the party met him, so don't go thinking it's permanent.


Unlike Celes, who was found wearing naught but prisoner's garb, Leo has some top-tier equipment.


Despite refusing a Magitek infusion, he's still got a better Magic stat than most of the playable characters started with.


...and there's no fleeing, since those Magitek armors who have been walking around and shooting people turn out to be the immobile Guardian once Leo takes a closer look. Nothing to do but...






Leo's special skill is Shock, a technique where he spins his sword and flings it upwards to cause a massive explosion for HP damage to all enemies.


And as an expert swordsman, whenever he attacks he hits four times.


Kefka didn't stand a chance with his middling magic. Poison is the worst he could do.

[R^2]

I'm pretty sure nobody ever says "Show yourself!" outside of video games.




Leo: My liege!
Gestahl: I'm sorry I had to deceive you, Leo. It was the only way to get the magicite. You understand, don't you?
Leo: But, emperor...
Gestahl: Don't say anything. I understand how you feel.
Kefka: Uwee-hee-hee... That's right! Our top priority is collecting magicite now!
Leo: But my liege, then... What have I been fighting for?

zero.jpg


Gestahl: I'd like you to take a well-earned rest... A very, very long rest! Mwa-ha-ha!


Gestahl vanishes in a puff of smoke.


...and Kefka appears in his place.


Kefka: That was an illusion -- just like my Gestahl! You really are a slow one. And always, always...


Leo: K-Kefka... Y-you're insane...
Kefka: Hee-hee-hee... I'll tell your "liege" I had to dispose of a traitor!


KASTAB


Leo flickers away, which ever since Final Fantasy 2 has meant someone is dead, dead, DEAD.

[R^2]

Another rush of espers flies by. In fact, they're... exactly the same sprites as the ones used when Terra opened the gate in the first place.




The espers take off from the western half of the southern continent and fly north to Thamasa.

[R^2]

Kefka: But I'm so happy to see you! After all, you've brought me more presents! And they're all just what I wanted -- magicite! Well, I wouldn't want to turn you down after you came all this way! First, let's neutralize those pesky powers of yours...




Neutralizing all that powerful magic also disjoined whatever it is that makes Magitek armor work. So the guys in armor just... sort of vanish. No telling what Square game they ended up in, either.








Kefka fires off small bursts of magic, which go offscreen and return to him as magicite shards.

[R^2]

The palette-swap of Ifrit attacks his best, but Kefka's neutralized him already. All of the attacks are absorbed.

[R^2]

The screen goes dark as a victorious Kefka laughs.

[R^2]

When the game resumes, everyone has recovered. Well, except Leo.

Terra: People only seem to want power, don't they? Do they really want to be like me? I... I wanted you to teach me so much more...


Locke: Not only Leo, but Shadow, too... Curse the Empire!


Celes: You're so sweet...
Relm: Don't worry, your friend Relm will take care of you!
Locke: Now I'm worried about Edgar and the others back in the Empire...
Terra: I hope they're all right...


Spoiler: they are.


Cyan: Thanks to King Edgar, we managed to escape before the trap was sprung.
Locke: Good work, Edgar!
Edgar: The lady who brought us tea tipped me of to the whole crooked plot... I'd barely finished exchanging pleasantries with her when she just blurted it out!
Sabin: ..."Pleasantries"?
Edgar: Did you think I could be so rude as to meet a lady and not make any moves at all? It was a matter of courtesy, dear brother! Courtesy!
Locke: General Leo's dead... Kefka... murdered him.
Cyan: Sir Leo? Dead!? What a terrible waste... He was one of the few people in the Empire who truly understood.
Edgar: We need to rethink our plans. Let's return to the airship.
Strago: Would you mind if I accompanied you?
Edgar: And you would be...?
Locke: He's from this village.
Terra: He's a descendant of the magi. He'll be useful to have along.
Strago: The Empire has abused its power for the last time. We cannot allow them to get away with this.
Relm: I wanna go, too!
Strago: I think not, young lady!
Sabin: We can't have kids getting in our way!
Relm: Who do you think you are, trying to tell me what to do, you overfed muscle-man!?

Muscle-heads? Hate 'em!


Relm: Grr...! I'm gonna paint your picture!
Party: N-no, Relm! stop!
Strago: Oh, all right already! Not like you stay at home when you're told, anyway...
Relm: Yay!
Sabin: All right, let's go!




Edgar: ...How old are you?
Relm: Ten... why?




...pretty creepy, Edgar.

[R^2]

Setzer: Said they'd found some statues or something...
Strago: It couldn't be...!


Gestahl: The Warring Triad is waiting just beyond that door... I need only to reach out and claim it for my own, and all of my dreams will be fulfilled!




Terra: The island... Something's happening! The earth is crying out...

[Roger]

Terra can hear the cries of the planet!

[R^2]

Music: Catastrophe


A slow pan over the easternmost side of the southern continent...


Suddenly, the earth is rent asunder...


...and a chunk of it is lifted away!


A looming shadow is cast over faraway Jidoor...


...as an entire continent floats into the sky.


Gestahl found his Warring Triad. He's about to go all Palamecia on the world, you can just tell.






Terra: Those things?
Strago: They're said to have turned themselves to stone facing one another. That way, each one's power would be neutralized by those of the other two. If the three were ever moved out of their perfect alignment... ...the resulting power imbalance would destroy the world as we know it.
Terra: What!?

Ha ha ha you guys thought the Crystals in previous games were particularly fragile cosmic keystones, huh? Well, this time the world is fucked if the statues so much as move, how about that?