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[Frocto]

detonatornova: you come to vent, it's better
Frocto: fuck no vent has geo
detonatornova: you can hop on and say "hello boys and girls, this is fried octopus" or whatever you say
detonatornova: you are just afraid that if you actually talked to Geo you couldn't demonize him anymore because he's actually a cool guy
Frocto: sorry, I HAVE to post that in the quotes thread

[Brentai]

<+Kazz> Furries thrive in the dark, damp corners of the internet
<+Kazz> In fact, they make them damper.

[Mongrel]

Analogies

[Thad]

I have hated that list for years, and here's why.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. -Russell Beland, Springfield

The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't. - Douglas Adams

[Beat Bandit]

I knew that quote was almost directly lifted from Adams. I thought it was much more direct from describing Zaphod's boat, though.

[Joxam]

<Thor> Right, once I get a girl to stop on the street
<Thor> I'm gonna be like, "YOU KNOCK ME OFFA MY FEET"
<Thor> And then the local bums and street people will rush behind me for synchronized wingman dance
<Thor> doh, brb
<Malikial> heeehehehe
<Joxie> what is wrong with you two!?

[Joxam]

<Zeus> http://www.movieposter.com/posters/archive/main/81/MPW-40766
<Zeus> Man that looks so cheesy :D
<Zeus> I can't believe there was actually a movie called Africa-Texas Style!
<Zeus> It sounds like a Sarah Palin speech

[A²]

<Romosome> yeah
<Romosome> well
<Romosome> when you hit 5 years
<Romosome> you just get a company sword
<Romosome> as like
<Romosome> a seniority thing
<Romosome> it's a trophy
<Romosome> it's just like, a sword
<Romosome> not from any of the games
<Romosome> it's cool
<Friday> "Romo, how long have you worked for blizzard?" "3/8"
<Romosome> what
<Romosome> hahaha
<Friday> "5 more years and I get the shoulders for the +10 energy bonus"
<Romosome> :D
<Romosome> at 5 you get a sword
<Romosome> at 10 you get a shield
<Romosome> and at 15 you get a ring
<Romosome> no joke
<Friday> what, really?
<Romosome> yes
<Friday> hahaha.
<Friday> what.
<Friday> fucking
<Romosome> :D
<Friday> at 20 do you get drawn into the lower planes and eaten by the Blizzard god
<Romosome> I don't think Blizzard IS 20 yet
<Romosome> so MAYBE!

Blizzard is 20 next year so we find out then

[Brentai]

My money is on succubus.

[Mongrel]

Alleged child's answers to exam questions:

1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics.They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

2. The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible,Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children,Cain, asked, “Am I my brother’s son?”

3. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.

4. Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

5. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn’t have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.

6. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.

7. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

8. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java.

9. Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long.

10. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: “Tee hee, Brutus.”

11. Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by playing the fiddle to them.

12. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was cannonized by Bernard Shaw. Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offense.

13. In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote literature.

14. Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son’s head.

15. Queen Elizabeth was the “Virgin Queen.” As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted “hurrah.”

16. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.

17. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies,comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo’s last wish was to be laid by Juliet.

18. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.

19. During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe.

20. Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was called Pilgrim’s Progress. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.

21. One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps. Finally the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, “A horse divided against itself cannot stand.”. Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

22. Soon the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.

23. Abraham Lincoln became America’s greatest Precedent. Lincoln’s mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposedly insane actor. This ruined Booth’s career.

24. Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltaire invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy.

25. Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn when the apples are falling off the trees.

26. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German half Italian and half English. He was very large.

27. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

28. The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened and catapulted into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted an heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn’t have any children.

29. The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is In the East and the sun sets in the West.

30. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. She was a moral woman who practiced virtue. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.

31. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of river to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men.

32. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.

33. The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by an anahist, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.

Don't care if it's a complete fake, because I am totally dying of laughter here, after which I will be dead until proven otherwise.

[Mongrel]

My ridiculous Hipster friend, justifying the purchase of yet another $7000* bicycle: "... and it's fully vertically compliant and laterally stiff!"

(Yes, I made obvious rejoinder that I also met these exacting technical specifications).

_{*In fairness, he got it for $3000}

[Esperath]

"... and it's fully vertically complaint and laterally stiff!"

My bike also complains when I try to ride it vertically.

[Frocto]

Frocto: http://pics.livejournal.com/dezig/pic/005whp27
Bouncing Ada: Who's that last gal?
Frocto: she's from hokuto musou
Bouncing Ada: Huh.
Frocto: what?
Bouncing Ada: That game does not seem to have an N. America release
Frocto: are you surprised
Bouncing Ada: Sorta....
Bouncing Ada: It's Fist of the North Star
Bouncing Ada: Why wouldn't it?
Frocto: yeah I mean
Frocto: i remember the releases all the movies got
Frocto: oh wait
Bouncing Ada: There were more than one?
Frocto: hahaha
Bouncing Ada: ...
Bouncing Ada: I see your point.

[Ted Belmont]

From the Afghan culture instructor who came to teach my reserve unit this weekend:

When I first come to this country several years ago, I am in San Diego, and I see two women with their dogs on the beach. They say, "Oh how cute! How cute!". Now, I am from Afghanistan. I live through three wars. When I was a boy, the government would pay us to collect dogs and send them into minefields. So when I see a dog, I don't think "How cute!". I think "BOOM!"

[Miss Cat Ears]

Josh: lol
       thats sounds delicious as shit
me: it would be my last meal
Josh: mine would be whatever the person in front of me ate in the human centipede
       so i guess it would be shit

[Zaratustra]

[18:47] MadMaxJR: Programmer vs. Programmer - This summer in movie theaters
[18:48] MadMaxJR: One has a Laser powered by Ruby on Rails, the other is entirely constructed of Assembler code. WHO WILL WIN?
[18:48] zaratustra00: ruby will burn through until he has to garbage collect
[18:49] MadMaxJR: Assembler man will bit-shift his heart.
[18:49] MadMaxJR: These sound like awesome/awful Mega Man villains.
[18:49] MadMaxJR: Programmer langauge men
[18:49] zaratustra00: meshgearfox has been working on a boolean rpg for like twenty years now
[18:49] zaratustra00: Ruby Man, Lua Man
[18:50] zaratustra00: Python Man
[18:50] zaratustra00: ruby man hates python man
[18:50] zaratustra00: they have a fight
[18:50] MadMaxJR: Assembler Man, the oldest
[18:50] MadMaxJR: His entire stage is binary
[18:50] zaratustra00: Fortran Man
[18:50] MadMaxJR: Fortran man can't loop so all his actions are unique.
[18:50] zaratustra00: Ada Man - stage: colossal battleship
[18:50] MadMaxJR: er, wrong, fortran can't recurse
[18:50] zaratustra00: get equipped with - character outside ascii
[18:51] MadMaxJR: COBOL man
[18:51] zaratustra00: Q: How many Prolog programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
[18:51] zaratustra00: A: Yes
[18:51] MadMaxJR: Get equipped with 80 char line tractor feed paper
[18:51] zaratustra00: Lisp Man
[18:51] zaratustra00: get equipped with: Parentheses Storm
[18:51] MadMaxJR: Python Man - get equipped with SPACE BAR
[18:52] MadMaxJR: or perhaps TAB KEY
[18:52] MadMaxJR: since indent controls looping
[18:52] MadMaxJR: JAVA MAN - loading......
[18:52] MadMaxJR: ...
[18:52] zaratustra00: Get equipped with Dictionary Indent
[18:52] MadMaxJR: ...
[18:52] MadMaxJR: ...
[18:52] MadMaxJR: ...
[18:52] MadMaxJR: ...
[18:52] MadMaxJR: loading
[18:52] MadMaxJR: ...
[18:52] zaratustra00: C# Man is just Java Man with a hat
[18:53] zaratustra00: C++ man
[18:53] MadMaxJR: Java man requires megaman to download the java runtime library. Accept?
[18:53] MadMaxJR: clicking no is auto win
[18:53] zaratustra00: get equipped with ARRAY OVERFLOW
[18:53] MadMaxJR: C++ man SEGFAULT BUSTER
[18:53] zaratustra00: C++ man's weapon can and will crash your game
[18:53] zaratustra00: repeatedly
[18:53] zaratustra00: for months
[18:53] MadMaxJR: GameMaker script man - no, just no, don't even pick this level
[18:54] zaratustra00: KNP Man - get equipped with Bouncing Ball
[18:56] MadMaxJR: BASIC MAN. get equipped with GOTO 10 (level restarts, infinite trap)
[18:56] zaratustra00: get equiped with ??redo from start
[18:56] MadMaxJR: VISUAL BASIC MAN. This is an auto-megaman level, you have to draw windows forums for him to run on.

[Frocto]

CM8: I WILL FUCK YOU UNTIL YOU ADMIT YOUR TRUE AGE

[jsnlxndrlv]

...

[R^2]

She's almost entirely out of uniform.

[Envy]

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington engineering mid-term. The answer was so "profound" that the Professor shared it with colleagues, and the sharing obviously hasn't ceased...

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or Endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote Proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let us look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you.", and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze."