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[Beat Bandit]

From Hyperbole and a Half's test blog.

Here's Where I'll Put an Unnecessarily Long Title
This is where I'll go "blah, blah, blah... fuck, fuck, fuck, I'm cold" and then I'll maybe show you a picture that I made in Paint.  Then maybe I'll talk about some other stuff and then I'll talk about even more stuff and pretty soon you'll be like "this has to be wrapping up pretty soon..." but it won't.

It will just be a new paragraph.  And then I'll go off on some tangent where I make all sorts of disturbing and barely relevant analogies most likely involving either diabetes, rabies or Jesus and you'll be like "what were we talking about again?" and you probably won't ever be able to figure that out because guess what? I don't even know what we're talking about.  It's probably wolves.

[Mongrel]

you can tell when you're in someone else's dream because the donut has sprinkles

[Mongrel]

Oh this is too good.

Chris Poole explains 4chan slang to federal prosecutors

EDIT: Full transcript

[Friday]

idk my b-tard jill

[Friday]

<JDigital> has anyone played a game called Mercenaries 2
<MetalSlime> yes
<JDigital> do you know the Irish helicopter pilot
<MetalSlime> yes
<JDigital> I just want you to know that real irish people do not sound like this

[Mongrel]

(An elderly woman well into her 70s comes through the check-out line with a single bottle of wine. I start to scan the bottle through.)

Customer: “Wait! Aren’t you going to check my ID?”

Me: “Er, no, ma’am, I don’t think it’s really necessary…”

Customer: “Well, that’s no good! You should check all ID if you’re selling alcohol.”

Me: “Well, okay. May I see your ID, please?”

(She hands over an ID card that is obviously fake.)

Me: “…ma’am, this card says you’re seventeen.”

Customer: “Oh, dear! You’ve caught me! I’m much too young to be buying this! It’s a good thing you were checking IDs. I’d better just go now! *skips out the door*

Me: “…”

This makes me anxious to be elderly so I can start messing with clerks like this.

[McDohl]

:D

[Kazz]

[4:21] <zara> there will be dlc
[4:21] <zara> with extra things to stab
[4:21] <aintaer> meats
[4:21] <aintaer> walls
[4:21] <aintaer> candles
[4:22] <zara> you stabbed 100 objects
[4:22] <zara> you a master stabber
[4:22] <aintaer> You have gone 10 minutes without stabbing something
[4:22] <aintaer> Congratulations on your Stabbatical

[Zaratustra]

This was a sketch for a new game project (Adventures of Friday: Friday Goes Stabbing: Volume One)

[Friday]

<+Kazz> shit i don't know where i am
<@Friday> Kazz, check to see if you're still at your computer, in your room.
<+Kazz> ok
<@Friday> I sometimes get confused, too.
<+Kazz> yes
<+Kazz> here's my wax statue of friday
<@Friday> shit
<+Kazz> here's my pile of used tissues
<+Kazz> i must be home
* @Friday sighs heavily
<@Friday> I'm lost
<@Friday> Oh here we go
<@Friday> Hey guys
<@Friday> I'm playing diablo
<Brentai> > YOU ARE IN KAZZ'S ROOM.  A PUNGENT AROMA HITS YOU LIKE A HUGE MASSIVE 800 POUND GORILLA WITH ITS BLACK MONKEY DICK THROBBING RIGHT IN THE OPEN.
<@Friday> > inven
<Brentai> YOU ARE HOLDING: A CAPTAIN CONDOM, NO SENSE OF SELF RESPECT
<@Friday> > Drop no sense of self respect
<Brentai> YOU NOW HAVE NO NO SENSE OF SELF RESPECT
<@Friday> > weild condom
<Brentai> YOU WELD THE CONDOM TO YOUR NIPPLES
<@Friday> > log onto IRC
<Brentai> > YOU ARE IN #FINALFIGHT.  A PUNGENT AROMA HITS YOU LIKE A HUGE MASSIVE 800 POUND GORILLA WITH ITS BLACK MONKEY DICK THROBBING RIGHT IN THE OPEN.
* notKazz (zibabh@cpe-76-179-236-105.maine.res.rr.com) has joined #finalfight
<Brentai> > NOTKAZZ HAS JOINED #FINALFIGHT.  A PUNGENT AROMA HITS YOU LIKE A HUGE MASSIVE 800 POUND GORILLA WITH ITS BLACK MONKEY DICK THROBBING RIGHT IN THE OPEN.

[LaserBeing]

(12:37:10 PM) BongoBill: I think this week I'll replace all commercial breaks with "Good Idea, Bad Idea" segments.
(12:37:19 PM) laserbeing: good idea
(12:37:20 PM) Lyrai: <+Ridley> the guys I knew with asperger's talked about their furry naruto/starcraft slash fanfiction.
(12:37:20 PM) Lyrai: {Friday, August 27th, 2010 11:53:36am Fa'Diel} <MetalSlime> You're lucky Lyrai doesn't appear to be here
(12:37:20 PM) Lyrai: {Friday, August 27th, 2010 11:53:46am Fa'Diel} <MetalSlime> or that fanfiction would be reproduced
(12:37:23 PM) Ridley: bad idea
(12:37:23 PM) Lyrai: !!!!!!!!!!
(12:37:27 PM) mode (+v Lyrai) by ChanServ

[Ted Belmont]

My friend on the sex scene that was put back into Avatar for the re-release: "I'm an immigrant, so all of my sex is alien sex."

[Friday]

<MarsDragon> Hey, in P3P....I'm just starting October. I've polished off a bunch of S-Links, and right now biggest priority is Star. I haven't started Hanged Man at all, but it seems the ultimate there is a requirement for Mara. Is it worth it to ignore all potential girlfriends to hang out with a little girl so I can get in touch with my inner giant dick?
<Lottel> little girl... touch... my... giant... dick

[Mongrel]

Best ad tagline for wargames miniatures:

Reinforcements delivered by post. Reinforcements arrive discreetly to your door; the enemy will not be informed.

[Frocto]

The Grim Reaper: Kilo-214 what would you do if you had dick ants?
Kilo-214: I would probably have a dick ant hill.

[R^2]

Via Facebook: "It used to be when you said "I'm a Christian." it meant "I'm loyal, I'm honest, I'm truthfull." Now people hear "I'm a dull minded bigot." I thing homosexuality is wrong, I think having children are wrong, and I think islam hates us. If that makes me dull minded or narrow minded, so be it....."

[Royal☭]

I can't tell if that is honest or not.

[Brentai]

I don't think an actual Christian is going to say that having children is wrong.

[Classic]

TRUE Christians are sometimes defined by an exciting ignorance of the canon. He is probably talking about outside of marriage or someting.

[R^2]

That's copypasted, unaltered, from Facebook. The writer has not clarified the children thing to me. But while I'm not about to argue with that kind of logic, I will hold it up for public ridicule.