<Inkstud> Have you seen Wheat Thins' latest advertising campaign? Basically, they're a series of TV spots revolving around the idea that the Wheat Thins company watches Twitter for people writing about Wheat Thins on their account, and then drives a truck to their house to give them a lifetime supply of the things.
<Inkstud> For example, there's an ad where some guy posts "Picking my air guitar with a Wheat Thin," on Twitter and the Wheat Thins crew surprises him at his house with a forklift full of Wheat Thins.
<Inkstud> I decided that tomorrow I'm going to post, throughout the day, a series of status updates on Facebook that are sort of in a similar vein. Today, instead of working I've been coming up with statuses for tomorrow. Here are a few:
<Inkstud> 1) Wheat Thins'™ single flaw: they're not Wheat Thicks
<Inkstud> 2) findin ti diffivult too simulgotneusly type annd shoveel w heat thijns™ into my m mouuth with bth hands
<Inkstud> 3) Imagine a city where the streets were paved with Wheat Thins™ and a watery Wheat Thin™ slurry cascaded from every sparkling fountain. Just imagine it
<Inkstud> 4) The five second rule always applies for dropped food. Unless it's a delicious Wheat Thin™ , in which case the five-decade rule should be substituted instead
<Inkstud> 5) Fiat money is worthless! Hyperinflation is on the way! Buy gold now! Wake up, America! Stock up on non-perishable food and bottled water! The U.S. Dollar is just paper with no inherent value! Now on the other hand, imagine with me an economy that instead utilized a currency of Wheat Thins™
<Inkstud> come up with Twitter updates about Wheat Thins that I can post tomorrow.
<Slearch> 2 is fantastic
<rider> I once was in a competition with my roomate to see who would be first to eat their weight in cheez-its. Along those lines:
<rider> 1) If you tried to eat your weight in wheat thins, how many extra pounds would you have to eat because of the weight you gained in the process?
<Inkstud>
Unsuspecting Fan Gets Truckload of Wheat Thins<Inkstud> c'mon boys who's next
<barks> The only thing that saves me from suicide when contemplating the horrible desperation that is life is knowing that I will be able to eat Wheat Thins™ tomorrow
<artificial> GIVE ME A FUCKING FORKLIFT FULL OF WHEAT THINGS GOD DAMN THAT WOULD BE SWEET
<rider> Contemplating how many boxes of wheat thins it takes to wallpaper my bedroom.
<rider> Wheat thins, greatest snack ever, or greatest snack that ever will be?
<rider> If I were on a desert isle, and had only one wish, it would be for all the wheat thins I could eat... Water can suck it!
<rider> Wheat thins, they're Thintacular!
<rider> Meet twins with Wheat Thins!
<rider> Wheat thins, sorta rhymes with Ethan. Ethan wins wheat thins (and twins?)
<slearch> do not use rider's
<rider> Fair enough. I guess I'll stop.
<Inkstud> I like his first one
<barks> The best thing about Wheat Thins™ is that my uncle has celiac disease. YOU CAN'T FUCKING HAVE ANY, CAN YOU.
<Xyre> I am using Wheat Thins to make it rain on them hos.
<Inkstud> Hmm, my girlfriend's been asking a lot of questions about what I'm doing when I'm not with her lately. (whispers to box of Wheat Thins™) I think she suspects
<JBH> If Hitler had Wheat Thins™ the Holocaust would have never happened.
<barks> Wheat Thins™ meet my religious requirements for square-shaped food. Bananologists, Sushists, Samosans, know that the day of judgment is at hand.
[...]
<KCW> the oppressive nature of media in society is telling wheat everywhere to be wheat thin rather than wheat normal, wheat healthy, or wheat curvy
<Jester> I do not shave my beard. Its a filter system to catch mah wheat thins crumbs. DO NOT WASTE WHAT IS GOOD.
<QED2> barks' were phenomenal
<YeNguyen> I majored in Wheat Thins™! Note: am unemployed.
<YeNguyen> Before my father passed away, I fed him his first Wheat Thin™. He said "I can die now." He was allergic to wheat oh god
<Mobiusman> Wheat thins? I'd love some!
<Inkstud> Stacking 2 Wheat Thins™ one on top of the other and then putting a Wheat Thin™ inbetween to make a Wheat Thin™ sandwich
<KingR> Tried to gargle Wheat Thins™. Now paralyzed from neck down. Send help
<Inkstud> That's great! I think I might change it slightly to
<Inkstud> Just tried to gargle Wheat Thins™. Now paralyzed from neck down, please send help (typing this with my tongue)
<KingR> Good change
<rider> Wheat thins, discover the toasted whole grain crunch used to drown sorrows in calories everywhere!
<Mongrel> ANNOUNCEMENT STOP WHEAT THINS TRADE MARK STOP GOOD TIMES STOP
<d> Wheat Thins™: They make you thirsty!
<BHA> I like Wheat Thins, yes I do I like Wheat Thins, how 'bout you?
<KingR> Just discovered Wheat Thins make great throwing stars. Also looking to adopt a new cat.
<Baz> Wheat Thins™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™
™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™™
<DeathSquiggle> Fantastic idea: Wheat Thicks. Thank me later.
<d> The Onion already did that
<DeathSquiggle> onion flavored wheat thicks.
<Xyre> Wheat Thins: melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
<Rapey> wheat thins™: so thin that you may be able to eat one after a double helping of the entire menu without exploding. maybe.
<YeNguyen> Wheat Thins™: Not Hitler.
<DeathSquiggle> Wheat Thins: The Master Snack. Wheat Power!
<d> LOL!
<Mongrel> Okay, now that one is funny.
