<NotCricket> I think asian women are attractive because they're more portable.
<Roger> Everytime misfortune befalls Dogstar, an angel gets a boner.
<Dogstar> There's a cherubim with a zweihander in his pants, then.
<Zaratustra3> Hey, me and Tark just had a good idea.
<Zaratustra3> make a new Oregon Trail and use the Max Payne engine for the hunting part
<Zaratustra3> wheeeeeeaaaaaaaaaooow thump thump thump thump thump
thump moooooooo *BANG* bullet flying *POW* moo*thump*
<Zaratustra3> wheeeeeeaaaaaaoooooow time resumes
<Zaratustra3> A thief came during the night and stole 6 oxen. I killed him.
<Zaratustra3> But still I could not sleep.
<Kazz> Anybody see that Sesame Street movie thing where Elmo saved Christmas?
<JDigital> No, although it sounds familiar.
<Kazz> Turns out he completely and utterly fucked Christmas by wishing they could have it every day. So suddenly there are 365 Jesus Christs and nobody could get them all straight. It completely fucked up the Nativity scene, for one, to have Mary's vagina wider than a goddamn cement truck, baby Jesuses spewing out left and right. What saved Christmas was that reindeer flying around the Earth to take the world back in time.
<JDigital> ...
<Kazz> But the REALLY fucked thing was that when he got back, everyone was like "GO ELMO! YOU SAVED CHRISTMAS!" when they didn't even KNOW about it because THEY HADN'T EXPERIENCED THE TIMELINE WHERE ELMO FUCKED UP CHRISTMAS
<Squizzle> Know what's fun?
<Squizzle> Waiting for convenience stores to open, and going to them in pajamas and a bathrobe.
<Squizzle> It feels so comfortable: Early morning, comfy wearin's.
<memo> No I do not. I sit in my house all day staring at the walls, unable to convince myself to find anything to do.
<memo> DAMN YOU AND YOUR ANSWERING YOUR OWN QUESTIONS BEFORE I CAN FINISH MY UNNECESARY SARCASTIC BULLSHIT NONSENSE
<Silversong> Anybody ever wonder what would happen if we were suddenly flung into a weird dimension and we were all physically in a room together?
<Brentai> I'd have to pull my pants up real quick, most likely.
<Mediocrity> I'm just here for the dick jokes and gaming discussion.
* McDohl plays Star Ocean 2.
* terra plays with cock.
<Roger> Happy?
<JDigital> myew your myewtroller on the myewround.
<myew> JDigital: The fuck are you on?
<Brentai> Real sex doesn't hold a candle to porn.
<Brentai> I just can't convince any women to grow penises and have sex with cats.
<memo> You just keep looking, Brent.
<Brentai> Chopping up girls who never experienced the joy of puberty and stuffing them in my suitcase because it gets my rocks off? Hmm. Well, at least I'm no FURRY! Ha ha ha!
<Brentai> ...okay, you got me. The little girls were dressed up as Lola Bunny. I am sick.
<Brentai> Furries have a good defense, though. "You want to fuck your CAT?" "No, I want to fuck a person who LOOKS like my cat." "...I want to say that's still beyond the pale, but then I piss on women after handcuffing them to the bed. Good morrow."
<sei|idle> the first thing in the game i do is throw a chicken at a horse
<sei|idle> i can not, however, throw the horse at the chicken. disappointment.
<sei|idle> the chicken is stuck in the horse. i cannot seem to repeat the effect.
<Brentai> So there's a... cock stuck in your ass?
<PeteCooper> huzzah!
<Sharkey> ...Brent. Stop being funny. You're pressuring me.
<Fortinbras_MkII> So bored.
<NotCricket> Maybe they can put an anti-boredom chip in the MkIII.
<Fortinbras_MkII> That thing's gonna be a piece of crap.
<Fortinbras_MkII> Don't get it. Wait for Fortinbras Model 5.
<Fortinbras_MkII> I'm like Winamp.
<Sharkey> I had a really irregular heatbeat when I woke up this morning.
<Sharkey> Sounded like a drum solo.
<Sharkey> Boom booma thumpada booma booma booma boom. Boom da da thumbada
<Fortinbras_MkII> Some of the model ones had that. It goes away after you eat something usually.
<Sharkey> It still works alright if you turn me on my side. I think they make some kind of stand for that.
<McDohl> Prepare for trouble!
<puchiko> And make it 8" thick!
<McDohl> To battle good wherever it is found!
<Sharkey> To knock your dick into the ground!
<McDohl> To denounce the evils of happiness and joy!
<Sharkey> To fuck a girl and rape a boy!
<McDohl> McDohl!
<Sharkey> Sharkey!
<sleepyhng> Wow.
<Cheesegod> It's like you rehearsed it.
<McDohl> Team Ramtheass, uNFing at the speed of light!
<sleepyhng> That was good.
<Sharkey> Surrender now or lick my tights!
<Sharkey> Hey, brentai. I dreamt we were battling in a shitty early 90s vr game. You were a giant duck-dinosaur thing and I ran you through with Cloud's sword. I spent about five minutes reaming you with it, too. My mother was appalled.
<Brentai> ..how the hell did you know the Duck-Dragon was me?
<Sharkey> I just did. Who the hell else would use such a shitty model?
<Fortinbras> What's an AMV?
<Kazz> anime music video
<JDigital> Anime m
<JDigital> yeh
<Fortinbras> ...That's horrible.
<Fried_Octopus> Like Nyo is War.
<Roger> FIRST YOU TAKE A LOT OF EVA FOOTAGE
<Roger> THAN YOU PUT IT TO A LINKEN PARK SONG
<Roger> BOIL
<Roger> AND IN 3 SECONDS, YOU HAVE UTTER CRAP
<Roger> This has been "Cooking with Roger".
<Moctobot> WARNING
<Moctobot> A HUGE BATTLESHIP IS APPROACHING
<Moctobot> CODENAME: NO FUNNY
<SharkeyNeraSharkey> A BOSS IS APPROACHING
<SharkeyNeraSharkey> BEAUTIFUL GREAT SHARKEY
* Mediocrity savestates.
<SharkeyNeraSharkey> ATTACKS- LOVE LOVE DANCING
<SharkeyNeraSharkey> WHIRL KICK
<SharkeyNeraSharkey> MAGNIFICENT SHINING FUCKMISSILE
<Fuht_Yu> HOW LONG CAN YOU HOLD IT BACK?
<SharkeyNeraSharkey> CAN YOU SMELL THAT? THAT'S THE SMELL OF DEATH!
<SharkeyNeraSharkey> (POKE)
* Mediocrity starts blasting away at Sharkey with his radical R-Type ship.
<Fuht_Yu> Puff?
<SharkeyNeraSharkey> STIIIIIIIIIIIIKEEEEEEEEE FINGAAAAAAAAAA!
* Mediocrity dodges.
<SharkeyNeraSharkey> Blam. KABAM. PAFFF. etc.
* Mediocrity powers up a shot and fires it right into Sharkey's Shining Fuckcenter.
<Detonator> YOU HAVE DEFEATED THE VILE RED SHARKEY. CONSIDER YOURSELF A HERO.
<SharkeyNeraSharkey> i will not die as long as there is evil in the heart of #finalfight puff
<SharkeyNeraSharkey> GRRR ZRRRR
<SharkeyNeraSharkey> GRAM
<Moctobot> YOUR CLEARTIME WAS 6:10
* SharkeyNeraSharkey takes off his clothes
<Moctobot> ITEM COLLECTION 27%
<Moctobot> SEE YOU NEXT MISSION
<SharkeyNeraSharkey> Pray for a true peace in #finalfight.
<Detonator> Thank you for players!
<SharkeyNeraSharkey> PRODUCE: BRENTAI
<SharkeyNeraSharkey> SOUND: BUNBUN
<SharkeyNeraSharkey> SPECIAL THANKS: YUKI'S PAPA
<Moctobot> SPECIAL THANKS: SUPER #FINALFIGHT CLUB
<Detonator> AND YOU!!
<Elfin> You say you love me. Then I see you with other men. Not to mention barnyard animals. If you want to be a slut, that's fine, just don't expect me to hang around and get hurt again.
<Joxam> I ONLY CARE ABOUT YOU!
<Joxam> I SWARE!
<Joxam> That was all a misunderstanding..
<Elfin> You say that in between mouthfuls of Geo's dick. What am I to believe?
<Joxam> Believe... in.. DESTINY!
<Elfin> Okay, that works.
<NotCricket> Lately, though, I just get this feeling when I'm lying in bed that SOMETHING is in the room, standing over me.
<Nyphur> Freaky. Maybe you're insane.
* Roger comes out of the monitor while NotCricket dozes
* Roger comes over to NotCricket's bed...his one bloodshot eye visible between his straight hair staring at NotCricket's prone, vulnerable figure...raising a bloodied, pale, ghostly hand up...
* Roger OMG FAP FAP FAP
* Roger stabs the closest person.
* Brentai dies.
* Spram whacks off furiously.
[14:57] <Fried_Octopus> TANKS ON THE MOON THEY FLY THROUGH SPACE
[14:57] <Moctobot> heheh
[14:58] <Joxam> TANKS ON THE MOON RAPE YOUR FACE!
[14:58] <Fried_Octopus> TANKS ON THE MOON GO TO SLEEP
[14:58] <Joxam> TANKS ON THE MOON DON'T MAKE A PEEP!
[14:59] * Moctobot guitar solos.
[14:59] * Joxam drums the fuck out.
[14:59] <Fried_Octopus> MOON ON THE TANKS IN SOVIET RUSSIA
[14:59] <Joxam> I CAN'T RHYME ANYTHING WITH FUCKING RUSSIA!
[14:59] <Moctobot> ON MOON TANKS THE IN INDEPENDENT PRUSSIA!
[15:00] <Moctobot> JOXAM YOU FUCKED IT UP
[15:00] <Joxam> Hey mocto.. you ain't in this shit.. this isn't how we lay the fucking beat down.
[15:00] <Roger> Prussia rhymes with Russia.
[15:01] <Moctobot> because it's basically the same word, but yeah. They do rhyme.
[15:01] <Fried_Octopus> TANKS ON THE MOON THEY REALLY LOVEYA
[15:02] <Fried_Octopus> THAT SORTA KINDA RHYMES WITH RUSSIA
[15:02] <Moctobot> and yes, if you're really stretching, smooshing words together all willy-nilly works in a pinch.
[15:02] <Fried_Octopus> :D
<MadMAxJr> I want to fight with a giant stone pillar. Like Wan-Fu.
<Roger> Wish I could show you Taishi Ci's Level 11, Max. Giant Dual stone pillars.
<MadMAxJr> Dual stone pillars?
<Roger> It's what they look right.
<Roger> ..like
<Roger> 6 foot long stone clubs.
<MadMAxJr> This is a dynasty warriors guy?
<Roger> Yah yah. The weapons are realistic, but when you get the ultimate they get comically huge.
<Roger> Yah, Max. Wei Yan, for example, uses a 9 foot long Double voulge.
<MadMAxJr> .... double voulge? That's not practical.
<Roger> Ma Chao's spear: Starts out 7'5. Ends up being 11'. That's FOUR EXTRA INCHES
<Brentai> Ahem.
<Brentai> ...heh heh...
<Roger> ANCIENT CHINESE HERBAL REMEDY
<Brentai> ...heh heh heh...
<Roger> MAKE YOUR SPEAR FOUR EXTRA INCHES
<Nyphur> DIX has a point. That kind of muscle development at that age isn't something to be celebrated. It's unnatural and as such, the body isn't designed to do it. It's going to cause him unforseen problems in the future.
<Nyphur> Good. He deserves it.
<MonkeyDLuffy> ...?
<MonkeyDLuffy> Nyphur, did you just reply to what you just typed?
<Nyphur> I did, yes. This kind of thing happens at 4AM.
<Kazz> I like how Unreal Tournament is way better than Unreal.
<Kazz> Like how Casablanca Tournament was better than Casablanca.
<Random-Guy> "In all the servers in all the clans...she had to join mine."
<Kazz> "Frag the usual suspects."
<SoulBain> "Damnit, you can flag cap for her you can do it for me."
<Kazz> "I am shocked, SHOCKED to find that camping is going on in this casino!"
<hngkong> MadMAxJr, I am attracted to a guy and wear women's clothing, but I am quite heterosexual.
<Xerox> Gregory Peck died!?
<Xerox> ...Who's Gregory Peck again?
<Kazz> apparently he played Atticus Finch
<Romosome> He played Atticus Finch in To Kill A Mockingbird
<Romosome> and he was fucking awesome at it
<Kazz> Ohhh. I thought he played Atticus Finch in Terminator 2.
<Dimastines> You remember where the t1000 and Atticus Finch got in a fist fight?
<Dimastines> That shit was awesome!
<Kazz> And Atticus was like, "I don't want to have to shoot you. I'm against that sort of thing now."
<Kazz> And the T-1000 was like "DIE NIGGER LOVER"
<Kazz> And Atticus was like "BANG"
<Romosome> and he felt bad about it afterwards
<Dimastines> He was upset that the world was not yet ready.
<Romosome> and then John Connors snuck into the old radley house and tore his pants
<Dimastines> Not ready for his special brand of justice!
<Kazz> Atticus Finch was like Vash the Stampede only cooler.
~Mana Holy Day, March 21st ~ <Nyphur> myew, I LOVED THAT FOAM. GO DIE.
~Mana Holy Day, March 21st ~ <myew> Nyphur: My penis, though somewhat limp now, loved the feel of his hands pulling my naked body toward him, felt his chest and his amazing friends page.
~Mana Holy Day, March 21st ~ <Nyphur> Oh my.
~Mana Holy Day, March 21st ~ * Roger (roger@********.net) has joined #finalfight
~Mana Holy Day, March 21st ~ <Lyrai> ...
~Mana Holy Day, March 21st ~ <Nyphur> Roger, I blame you. What have you been doing to myew's penis?
~Mana Holy Day, March 21st ~ <Lyrai> myew just grew a cock and roger masturbated it? damn
~Mana Holy Day, March 21st ~ <Roger> The usual.
~Mana Holy Day, March 21st ~ <myew> Lyrai: He's done it a week now.
~Mana Holy Day, March 21st ~ <Lyrai> ...
~Mana Holy Day, March 21st ~ <Nyphur> A week? Fuck. Roger, get a ladfriend and stop harassing our bot.
~Mana Holy Day, March 21st ~ <Nyphur> *lady ... or lad, whichever :P
[08:41] <terra> I had a dream where they made a pill that they marketted as "Viagra for the ass". It makes your ass capable of taking larger objects than normal.
[08:42] <terra> ...thing is, I found some at my dad's house. and took some. And then my dad told me to stop, unless I like getting things up the ass.
[08:43] <MightyQuinn> But you do, don't you?
[08:43] <terra> Well, I woke up after that
[08:44] <Sharkey> After getting things in the ass?
[08:44] <Sharkey> I bet the giver could have slept right through it.
[08:46] <Sharkey> "YOUR PITIFUL UNSTRETCHED HU-MAN ASSES ARE LIKE MERE CHANGE PURSES BEFORE ME"
[08:46] <Sharkey> Like, that's what he'd say, and shit.
[08:47] * terra sidles away from Sharkey a bit.
[08:47] <Sharkey> I bet you can't even fit a disassembled tent up there. Much less a coleman stove and a cooler full of meat an beer.
[08:48] <Sharkey> Didn't you learn anything in the scouts?
[08:48] <terra> Are you challenging me, small-ass?
[08:49] <Sharkey> No, I'm busy solving a rubik's cube with my colon.
<Roger> ACTION: Make sandwich
<Roger> ACTION: Eat sandwich
<Roger> PROCESSING...
<Roger> ...
<Roger> ...
<Roger> ...
<Rush`N`Attack> SHIT!
<McFrugal> ACTION: Shit
<McFrugal> PROCESSING...
<McFrugal> ...
<McFrugal> etc.
<AlsoCocac> McFrugal, constipated?
<McFrugal> If it takes less than 5 seconds to finish there's something wrong.
<Roger> Summary of C:\windows\sandwich: DELETED
<sede> You can't rush some things!
<Roger> Status of C:\taking\shit.zip : File transfer 15% complete.
<StarDonut> The wonders of wireless networking, eh, Rog?
<Roger> Yep.
<Roger> Can you hear me now?
<Roger> Good.
<Roger> Can you hear me now?
<Roger> Good.
<Roger> Can you hear me now?
<JDigital> Good.
<McFrugal> Can you hear me now? Hello? CRAP
<MonkeyDLuffy> HELP OPERATOR, I'M RETARDED!
<Roger> Please hit the Pound key.
<Roger> Please hit the Star key.
<Roger> Please hit your face into the pavement.
<MonkeyDLuffy> My name is Gomgo. Please the sandwich.
<Roger> Error: Can not locate C:\windows\sandwich
<MonkeyDLuffy> I want one of those shirts with the Shoryuken on it..
<Roger> Jesus does a Shoryuken?
<MonkeyDLuffy> No, it's just a picture of Ryu/Ken/Akuma doing a Shoryuken.
<MonkeyDLuffy> You can't really tell who it is, because it's a white silhouette.
<JDigital> I'd pay money for a shirt of Jesus doing the shoryuken.
<Roger> Carpe Spermophilus.
<Roger> Mexicanus
<Roger> Yah, that's the way.
<sede> myew, light my fire
<myew> sede: My name is pierre, and i had to walk it the rest of the way home in like 120 degree heat. Then, less than 10 seconds after my tire goes flat, the batteries in my little black book :3.
<Liquidmentality> what the hell was that?
<Roger> "Seize the Mexican Ground Squirrel"
<Roger> In Latin.
<Roger|Dulce> Also, I NEED GOD'S THEME SONG
<Roger|Dulce> Terra, you have the Shadow Hearts soundtrack?
<terra> Roger|Dulce: no
<Roger|Dulce> Blast it.
<Roger|Dulce> Oh. I was wrong. It's not God.
<Roger|Dulce> It's Meta-God.
<Roger|Dulce> Obviously, God has fused with Meta Knight into some EVEN MORE omnipotent being.
<Zaratustra> Omniscience, omnipotence, omnipresence, and now WINGS and a SWORD