Topic: God Damned Cats (Read 5588 times)

Sharkey · « **Reply #20 on:** July 03, 2008, 04:12:29 PM »

Wait. What the fuck alternate universe is this where cats that aren't yours come into your house and bug the screaming hell out of you while you sleep? I'm presuming one where supernatural forces prevent you from kicking the living shit out of them until that doesn't happen anymore.

Shinra · « **Reply #21 on:** July 03, 2008, 05:43:48 PM »

A good trick to keep the cats out of the room is to stack a couple of box fans in the doorway and use the doorway as a brace.

If your cats are jumpers, though, this could backfire when they try to leap over the stack of fans. If you don't want to use fans, you can use one of those babygate things they sell at wal-mart for like 20 dollars. In the event of jumper cats, tacking a blanket up at the top of the doorway so it overlaps over the top fan/of the babygate works pretty well.

The downside to all of this is that it's a bitch to get out of your room at night when you need to take a piss.

Thad · « **Reply #22 on:** July 03, 2008, 06:47:35 PM »

Quote from: Sharkey on July 03, 2008, 04:12:29 PM

Wait. What the fuck alternate universe is this where cats that aren't yours come into your house and bug the screaming hell out of you while you sleep? I'm presuming one where supernatural forces prevent you from kicking the living shit out of them until that doesn't happen anymore.

They belong to this man:

I live in his house.

Brentai · « **Reply #23 on:** July 03, 2008, 07:21:24 PM »

I AM SHAMED.

Disposable Ninja · « **Reply #24 on:** July 03, 2008, 07:24:19 PM »

I was just thinking: go to your local Toys 'R' Us and pick up a little toy security system. When they enter your room, bam!, the toy security system goes off and hopefully freaks them right the fuck out. Because, really, that's how you teach cats: with terror.

Sharkey · « **Reply #25 on:** July 10, 2008, 08:10:15 PM »

Again:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxBa5bQfTGc

Seriously, dude needs to sell these.

Cannon · « **Reply #26 on:** July 10, 2008, 08:49:47 PM »

more turret audio clips or no sale

Cthulhu-chan · « **Reply #27 on:** July 10, 2008, 08:51:50 PM »

there's a bright future in military contracts for that guy.

Norondor · « **Reply #28 on:** July 10, 2008, 09:27:22 PM »

: I told ya, "don't touch that darn thing."

Kazz · « **Reply #29 on:** July 10, 2008, 09:30:17 PM »

Quote from: Cthulhu-chan on July 10, 2008, 08:51:50 PM

there's a bright future in military contracts for that guy.

as long as he builds in a raghead detector

(overt racism is always funny)

Brentai · « **Reply #30 on:** July 10, 2008, 10:26:09 PM »

First one to take that movie and dub in the requisite "I see you! Are you still there?"s gets a brew on me.

Sharkey · « **Reply #31 on:** July 10, 2008, 11:20:16 PM »

Unnecessary. In the earlier movies it's apparent that the guy had it set up to do that. Hell, in this one you can hear a bit of Portal sentryspeak while he's setting it up.

Screw the whole argument over videogames making our kids violent. Now we can worry about videogames making our kids making our computers making our guns violent.

Some days I really love this world.

Thad · « **Reply #32 on:** September 15, 2008, 02:39:11 PM »

Last night Pizmo invented a new game called Bang Really Hard on Thad's Door As Soon As He Falls Asleep.

The first few times he did it, I chased him and squirted him with the spray bottle. After that, I thought, hey, if he's that insistent on getting my attention, maybe this is some kind of Lassie thing and someone's trying to steal my TV or I locked his brother in the bathroom or something. So I left my room and looked around the house, but nothing was wrong. He's not a lifesaver, he's a shithead.

The next time he did it, I pinned him on his back and sprayed the water directly in his face, about four times, and then hauled him across the house and flung him into the living room. I felt kinda bad about it, up until he came back and started doing it AGAIN.

Best guess on why he would be so persistent even after such strong punishment is that he thought I hadn't fed him enough. Brad was out for the night and I feed the cats a lot less than he does, because he overfeeds them and they are fat fucks whose stomachs sway wildly back and forth when they run.

Anyway. He eventually stopped, once I started ignoring him entirely. And then I slept until 1:30 in the afternoon!

I swear to Christ, I am going to wake his ass up every single time I see him sleeping for like the next week.

In the meantime, I am being extra-nice to his brother just for not being an incredible shithead.

Royal☭ · « **Reply #33 on:** September 15, 2008, 02:41:34 PM »

One of the best methods I found for occupying cats for a few hours has been to tie about 3-4 feet of yarn to an oscillating fan.

Koah · « **Reply #34 on:** September 24, 2008, 12:22:29 PM »

Hey cat.

Hey.

HEY!

I get to sleep around 4:00. You woke me up yesterday at 10:00. You woke me up the day before that at 9:00. Today you just woke me up at 7:00.

That's three hours of sleep.

Three hours, cat.

THREE. FUCKING. HOURS.

I hope you like sleeping behind a locked door.

Kayma · « **Reply #35 on:** September 24, 2008, 12:59:22 PM »

LaserBeing · « **Reply #36 on:** September 24, 2008, 01:38:02 PM »

Quote from: O. Hakubi on September 24, 2008, 12:22:29 PM

I hope you like sleeping behind a locked door.

I hope you like hearing about it all fucking night.

MEOW MEOW HEY DUDE YOU ACCIDENTALLY LOCKED THE DOOR MEOW MEOW DUDE HEY DUDE OPEN THE DOOR DUDE MEOW MEOW SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH MEOW OK FINE DUDE FUCK YOU I DON'T EVEN CARE WHATEVER

DUDE COME ON SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH

Koah · « **Reply #37 on:** September 24, 2008, 02:54:45 PM »

Actually, it's behind a door, then a ways from that will be my door, distant enough for me to not give a fuck until I wake up. She seems adamant that I pay attention to her at least once every half-hour, something which sort of grates at times but is easily dealt with. When I'm SLEEPING, on the other hand...

Mongrel · « **Reply #38 on:** September 25, 2008, 04:10:22 AM »

Quote from: Laser on September 24, 2008, 01:38:02 PM

Quote from: O. Hakubi on September 24, 2008, 12:22:29 PM
I hope you like sleeping behind a locked door.

I hope you like hearing about it all fucking night.

MEOW MEOW HEY DUDE YOU ACCIDENTALLY LOCKED THE DOOR MEOW MEOW DUDE HEY DUDE OPEN THE DOOR DUDE MEOW MEOW SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH MEOW OK FINE DUDE FUCK YOU I DON'T EVEN CARE WHATEVER

DUDE COME ON SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH

Yeah, that's every morning around here, where the cats are fondly known as 'the naggies' (among other things...). They were doing it for food, so in the end we just gave in and put a little extra out for them to snack on at night.

(Of course, in our case, the root of the problem is that they lived on dry food for years and years and for health reasons we switched them to wet about a year ago. Dry they can eat at their leisure, wet not so much).

Kazz · « **Reply #39 on:** September 25, 2008, 04:23:31 AM »

earplugs

News:

Author Topic: God Damned Cats (Read 5588 times)